Little bird paintings

I remember from my undergraduate Asian art class that when one Chinese dynasty (whose dates and name I can't remember, but it probably rhymed with "in") was conquered by the Mongols, their art turned from huge bold scrolls of mountains and landscapes and armies to still lifes and portraits of little birds. Apparently that's what we do when we can't stand to think about the horrors of the world. We turn to small, seemingly insignificant things.

So with that in mind, and in the spirit of fiddling as Rome becomes ashes, anybody want to hear about the minor weirdnesses of my love life?

Inasmuch as it consists of meeting people online (who occasionally turn out to be artificial identities and in any case always live hundreds of miles away), and depending on my friends to set me up, it really isn't much of a love life, per se. Not seeing anybody. My shrink would be so proud. But still.

Here, for example, is how not to set your friends up with each other:

1. Do not set up your friend in Wisconsin with your friend who lives in Hertfordshire.
2. If you choose to ignore rule 1, don't introduce them on the night before the English one flies back to England.
3. If you determine that you wish to ignore rules 1 and 2 and set these people up on a blind date, don't come along.
4. If you do in fact, make the tremendous mistake of setting up your friends from different continents on the last night that this is possible and on accompanying them on this blind date, do not ask the gentleman to go to the toilet so that you may discuss how it is going behind his back.

This advice comes to you at no charge.