Happy Independence
It’s a rainy Sunday. For today at least I’m trying not to be ashamed of my country and its behavior, trying to be happy about being an American, thinking for the day about things like jazz and baseball and Charles Lindbergh and the idea, if not the execution, of modern democracy.
Most of what I’m doing is continuing to write. This is why I haven’t posted for a while, because (a) I’m crazy busy and (b) I have had almost no thoughts and experiences that don’t relate to my epistemologies of space in early modern London.
But today is a fairly momentous day in my personal life. I the wee hours this morning (slightly less wee in England) I sent J. The E-mail that I’ve been drafting for three months and not sending out of respect for her need for time and space. I needed to tell her how I feel, how much I love her, how ready I finally am for a long-haul. It may accomplish nothing, but at least she knows everything now and I feel as though I’ve done all I can. I don’t expect her to break up with her current boyfriend and fly to my arms, and she might well say she never wants to hear from me again and there’s no chance of us ever being together again. But no matter what happens, I have some closure, or at least I’m as close thereto as I can get, and I can get on with my life. It's not exactly a Declaration of Independence, but it's something.
Of course I’m still kinda hoping she asks me to come to California while she's out there so we can try to work things out. But the ball has never been less in my court. My court is entirely ball-free. Huzzah.
Most of what I’m doing is continuing to write. This is why I haven’t posted for a while, because (a) I’m crazy busy and (b) I have had almost no thoughts and experiences that don’t relate to my epistemologies of space in early modern London.
But today is a fairly momentous day in my personal life. I the wee hours this morning (slightly less wee in England) I sent J. The E-mail that I’ve been drafting for three months and not sending out of respect for her need for time and space. I needed to tell her how I feel, how much I love her, how ready I finally am for a long-haul. It may accomplish nothing, but at least she knows everything now and I feel as though I’ve done all I can. I don’t expect her to break up with her current boyfriend and fly to my arms, and she might well say she never wants to hear from me again and there’s no chance of us ever being together again. But no matter what happens, I have some closure, or at least I’m as close thereto as I can get, and I can get on with my life. It's not exactly a Declaration of Independence, but it's something.
Of course I’m still kinda hoping she asks me to come to California while she's out there so we can try to work things out. But the ball has never been less in my court. My court is entirely ball-free. Huzzah.
posted by James at 10:51 AM
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