Ban Heterosexual Adoption

After listening to the wisdom of Greg Quinlan, of Ohio's Pro-family Network, I am starting to come around to his argument that gay people are incapable of raising a child and are infuriatingly dangerous. Many children raised in such monstrous homes have come to him to complain after being preyed upon by pederasts, becoming male prostitutes, and contracting AIDS, and this has convinced me that gays should be prohibited from spreading their vile lifestyle to our nation's young.

But I would go further. Many is the sad-eyed youth who has confessed to me that he or she was abused, maltreated, manipulated, or used by his heterosexual parents. Not only do the children of these households sometimes engage in male-female sexual intercourse even before coming to adulthood, but there are many studies that show that the vast, vast majority of criminals were raised by heterosexuals, whether single or in a "committed relationship."

We must stop the madness. The first step is taking children away from these "parents" and into the safe bosom of the Godstate.

More importantly...

Is it just me, or did a ragtag, injury-struck Arsenal give Real Madrid, the best club team in the world, a Real Spanking at the Bernabeu at midweek? No, no, I think that did actually happen. Heehee!

Phew

It's been a nerve-wracking week. I got back from my final campus visit late Friday night, with the promise that I would hear from the English department at the big mountain state university I visited last on Tuesday (i.e. this past Tuesday). One way or another, whether they made an offer to me or the one other candidate. Tuesday came, Tuesday went. Nothing. Well, I did get an essay accepted for publication, but I wasn't really able to celebrate properly with all of my organs in my throat. Every time the phone rang, I nearly wet myself. But nothing.

Wednesday came, and I got an e-mail in between my somewhat grumpily-taught classes saying that they'd offered it to the other candidate, but they would offer it to me if she declined. I couldn't really hope that she'd decline, since it's a beautiful campus, a collegial, supportive, and productive department with a flexible curriculum for both undergrads and grad students, and the coveted 2/2 teaching load that has become my personal holy grail. I spent Wednesday wanting to kick things, and making plans for spending the rest of my career here at N.C.

Thursday came (today), and I taught the first act of Twelfth Night with a sense of resignation. Things here ain't so bad. There's something to be said for a job with a bunch of people who really like me. There's something to be said also for a place where I could coast to tenure from here.

But around noon I got a call from the chair not only offering me the job, but hastening to assure me that I was not the department's begrudging plan B. So it's been something of a roller coaster, but I think I may have just achieved the Grail. And in a town that's fairly close to family, that has an in-town whitewater kayaking park, proximity to both ski runs and desert, and the kind of big state research university where I can easily see myself for the next 35 years or so.

A huge sigh of relief comes here.

I spent the evening having drinks with my department that were equal parts congratulations and commiseration, the news being both good and bad from their perspective. But mostly it's been a "woohoo" sort of day.

One down

I had a great time at Cowpoke State. It’s in a beautiful valley surrounded by mountains, with elk and trout streams and bike trails and cross-country skiing. I want to settle down there and get a big ol’ dog. The town isn’t close to anything, but it’s got everything I want in a city—coffee shops, a brew pub, a food co-op, an independent film festival, used bookstores, jazz, and a research university. I can get a semester of pre-tenure leave, a decent salary, and a 2/2 teaching load, with excellent students and an MA program. Also I can ski and gawk at all the movie stars who have second homes there. It’s gone from being a last-ditch, last-choice school to a job I’m fairly salivating over.

The off-the-record conversation that I was left with on the way to the airport left me a little concerned, though. It turns out that the department had all but made up its mind to hire the first candidate and my visit was so impressive that it has forced them to reconsider. That’s something to be happy about.

But now I’m one of two candidates that they very much want, and gender may be a deciding factor. This would be unfortunate. The search committee is going to try to convince the department to hire us both, and there’s a chance that they’ll end up hiring the other candidate and telling me that they’ll try to hire me in another year. There’s also a chance that they’ll make me an offer but demand that I make a decision before I’ve heard from or even seen the two other schools I’m interviewing at. It may be an uncomfortable bird-in-the-hand situation. But as M keeps reminding me, I can hardly complain about my situation considering that I evidently blew them away. And maybe they’ll just give me a straight offer. And maybe they won’t. I’m just tired of being in job-market limbo. This process has been going on since August, and I just want my fate to be settled.

So all I can do is concentrate on teaching and writing, prepare for my visits to New Amsterdam and Slalom State, and keep my fingers crossed. Thanks for your support.