Losing a daughter, gaining a son
I'm taking a break from dealing with Adam Zucker having written the main argument of my Epicoene chapter for me to update the blog.
It turns out we had to let M's parents know about our surreptitious elopement. Originally we intended to spare them any potential anguish by simply getting a Wisconsin marriage license in addition to the one we already filed, but it turns out that even requesting a second license is a felony and we didn't want to go to jail. So, since M's dad is performing the ceremony, we figured we ought to tell him, since he'd be wondering why we had no paperwork for him to sign.
Frankly, if I'd had my druthers, we'd have told them much earlier. I couldn't understand why it would be a big deal to get our paperwork done early, if only for considerations of benefits and residency. But I deferred to M's judgment and we didn't tell them. So last Sunday I told her dad, and he (as I predicted) didn't really think it was that big a deal. He decided that we should keep it a secret from M's mom, though. At least for a couple of days, he decided that. Understandably, I suppose, he felt as though he was betraying his wife by keeping her in the dark, so last night M told her mother as well.
All seemed well, as the mater in legem also initially thought it wasn't a big deal, as long as she still got to have her big party. But then last night she threw a little telephonic tantrum, claimed that we had conspired to "buttfuck" her, and accused me of trying to drive a wedge between her and her daughter. Apparently she's under the impression that she and M are close. Also, she expressed her doubts that any relationship "founded on deception" was doomed to fail, and said she wasn't sure she wanted someone like me to be a part of her family. My initial reaction to that last bit, of course, was relief. I certainly don't anticipate attempting to achieve anything like an intimate familial relationship with a woman who has all the emotional maturity of a teenage orc.
But after all the initial anger subsided, we found ourselves in a bit of a conundrum. M has no defenses from attacks by her mother, and every strategy she's ever tried with her mom, from fighting back to allowing her to rant and trying to take the high ground, has backfired. So I wrote her parents what I hope is a respectful, loving declaration of our needs in an attempt to establish some boundaries. M's mom doesn't know the chinks in my armor, at least not yet, so I think maybe I can try to speak to her as if she were an adult and not an infantile sociopath. That's my best shot, anyway. I'll let you know how it works out.
It turns out we had to let M's parents know about our surreptitious elopement. Originally we intended to spare them any potential anguish by simply getting a Wisconsin marriage license in addition to the one we already filed, but it turns out that even requesting a second license is a felony and we didn't want to go to jail. So, since M's dad is performing the ceremony, we figured we ought to tell him, since he'd be wondering why we had no paperwork for him to sign.
Frankly, if I'd had my druthers, we'd have told them much earlier. I couldn't understand why it would be a big deal to get our paperwork done early, if only for considerations of benefits and residency. But I deferred to M's judgment and we didn't tell them. So last Sunday I told her dad, and he (as I predicted) didn't really think it was that big a deal. He decided that we should keep it a secret from M's mom, though. At least for a couple of days, he decided that. Understandably, I suppose, he felt as though he was betraying his wife by keeping her in the dark, so last night M told her mother as well.
All seemed well, as the mater in legem also initially thought it wasn't a big deal, as long as she still got to have her big party. But then last night she threw a little telephonic tantrum, claimed that we had conspired to "buttfuck" her, and accused me of trying to drive a wedge between her and her daughter. Apparently she's under the impression that she and M are close. Also, she expressed her doubts that any relationship "founded on deception" was doomed to fail, and said she wasn't sure she wanted someone like me to be a part of her family. My initial reaction to that last bit, of course, was relief. I certainly don't anticipate attempting to achieve anything like an intimate familial relationship with a woman who has all the emotional maturity of a teenage orc.
But after all the initial anger subsided, we found ourselves in a bit of a conundrum. M has no defenses from attacks by her mother, and every strategy she's ever tried with her mom, from fighting back to allowing her to rant and trying to take the high ground, has backfired. So I wrote her parents what I hope is a respectful, loving declaration of our needs in an attempt to establish some boundaries. M's mom doesn't know the chinks in my armor, at least not yet, so I think maybe I can try to speak to her as if she were an adult and not an infantile sociopath. That's my best shot, anyway. I'll let you know how it works out.
posted by James at 10:58 AM
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